What was I expecting?

Frankly speaking, I hate liars. It doesn't really matter to me for others to lie. Everyone knows that I'm selfish enough to take only certain people seriously. And funny enough that you are the one who lied, I'm the one who is angry towards myself. It has been ages when I actually feel myself. I always know what I was looking for and what I would die for. You are the one who stays deep in my heart. I would do everything to please you, to make you happier. Despite how much I would want you to hate me, I backed off when I can see that you don't like the things that I'm currently doing. I did take lesser cigarettes as promised, I only take alcohol when I'm out there. I did make my best effort not to rely on alcohol to get asleep. Maybe I shouldn't back off. Maybe I should stay as the way I am and get you to hate me. But for you, I can really sacrifice everything including myself. It happens when I first met you. And it is still valid until now. I always know where I stand and who I am to you. I can respect and accept every decisions that you've decided and made even it hurts me like crazy. How many times I've thought of giving up myself until the counter had became instead a numb counter.

I thought, even if we can't get together, I still can at least be someone who you can be comfortable with. Someone who you still can talk and joke around. I never asked too much because I know there is nothing in me that you want. All I wanted is just not to be lied. It always comes into my mind after every sort of thinking. Who am I to get angry? Who am I to be sad for something that is not destined to be mine? Who am I to rob off happiness that shouldn't belongs to me? Who am I to be so carried off when something made you sad? I know I'm someone who will soon meant nothing to you. But at least for this point of time, when I still laid my trust on you, don't lie to me. I've been numb towards hurt inside the heart by lying to myself. But you know what? It hurts more than anything on earth when I get the fact that you are actually lying to me. I can't even do a simple thing to be trustable for you enough so that you don't have to lie infront of me. Doubtful enough for me being me...