Clear than ever!

I don't know what is the best thing for you. I don't know what will you face in the future. I don't even know whether will you be happy when everything that we said comes into your life. I've been as bad as possible to make you feel uncomfortable, wanted you to hate me or at least be angry with me. I don't deny that you hurt my heart too. But what happens is it comes all to me when you said that we will be in memory. Yes, we will be in each other's memory as long as we could remember each other. I thought everything that I did previously is alright, it is a way for us to get out of the situation or at least a way for you to feel better but not guilty. Everytime when I'm mean to you or when I said something that hurt you, it actually stabbed inside my heart too. I don't really want to do that to a person that I love the most. I gave it a thought the other day when you said that all these will be memories. Memories of both of us. I rethink and rethink over and over again. I loved you, and I still love you. So why should I hurt you when I love you most? I actually gave it a wrong shot when I thought the previous way should be the way to end everything. But the fact is, things will end when the time comes. Neither you nor me could do anything about it. I admit that I'm afraid of losing you, I would do everything to get you back if it's possible and the last thing that I would want to do is to see you unhappy. I'd been making you unhappy after I came back. Since it is destined to be memory, instead of making you unhappy during this period of time, I would do something vice versa. I know I'm not someone that could give you everything that you needed. I know you have your path to walk on and you have your own pressure from every aspects. But I'm more clear than ever now. I love you and all I wanted is for you to be happy. It is not something that I wanted to make you unhappy or feel unhappy when you happen to think of me when the time comes. If thats possible, I hope you can feel warm and happy when you think of me. I hope you can still feel that there is someone who would give up everything for you just because she love you. Therefore, I've decided to make our memories as good as possible instead of giving you a bad impression and giving you all the extra pressures, feeling unhappy when you happen to think of me. I'm not good and I'm not willing to sacrifice for others. But for you, I would. Rather than being someone that you feel scared of and trying to prevent talking something to hurt me, I would rather taking up the role where you can rely on and feel comfortable when you are with me. At least someone that you feel secure and someone that you can tell everything and become the very true self. I feared your tears previously. I don't really want to see you unhappy or sad where it could make you cry. But after this, I would rather see your tears rather than your fake happiness when you are with me. Instead of being someone that you fear of, please take me as someone that you can rely on and release everything on me. I couldn't promise I can help you on every matter and problem that you face. But I promise I will do my best to listen to every word that comes from you. I promise I'll be there whenever you need me. I promise I will do my best to give you a shelter place when you feel sad and tired. My shelter might not be the best among others, but I promise it will be my very best. I'm not trying to be great trying to get you back. After all the thinking, you are still the most important person to me. Of everything I could think of, nothing could ever replace you. I don't understand why would I hurt someone who is that important to me and someone who I can love with everything in my life. I'm so stupid previously trying to be someone that I thought could make you feel better. But the fact is I'm still as stupid as ever. And now, I choose to be wiser. I still love you with everything in my life, and all I wanted is you to be happy. Please, my dear, that would be the only request from me. Whenever you feel tired or sad or anything, I'll be there for you regardless of what your choice is and what path you chosen. I'll give you all my support and respect all the decisions you made. As long as you are happy. I promise.